February 2012
7 posts
So remember when I told you guys I found my little...
the-womanifesto:
He doesn’t know of course but IT JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER!
For Bigsnacks
they say hell blow your mind
like sassy cat from behind
glorious leader of honor
basically our father
never been a better general
even with his small genitals
he can lay down the law
even if his junk is small
sassy is his bitch
nyan cat too
the only one he cant touch
is the one wrapping to...
2 tags
Now I know that I’m not all that you got. I...
Who has ever been converted by a threatening...
the-womanifesto:
“Hey guys! I saw that black and red sign by the highway with the picture of the aborted fetus on it warning me about my eternally damned soul, so I thought I’d come join in on the fun. Who has a spare hymnal to share?”
Mistakenly read that last sentence as “Who has a spare hymen to share?” Still fitting.
Where the eff are the good girls??
I DON’T UNDERSTAND.
Help, I'm Alive
Hello, Internet. My computer crashed at a really inopportune time a couple of weeks ago. Did I miss anything??
January 2012
25 posts
Typing up a 'have a nice life, fuckface' letter on...
This is me shooting a giant double middle finger...
Also, I apparently cut the eff out of my right thumb somehow and didn’t realize it, so my entire Blackberry is covered in blood. Appropriate.
*Okay, actually just one person.
Golden Girls wisdom
Rose: I know grief. It takes time.
Dorothy: Please, Rose. Listen, if you're Irish, you have a wake. You eat, you cry, you drink, you vomit and you're done. If you're Jewish, you cry, you sit, you eat for seven days. You put on ten pounds, and it's over. We Italians scream, dress up a donkey, hire a band, and that's that. It's these Southern Protestants who make it a way of life.
I can't stop laughing at my own Facebook status.
…but nobody else thinks it’s funny.
Hi I'm The-Womanifesto from Tumblr and I'm your...
the-womanifesto:
I actually watched Miss America for the first time in my life last night because I was in a hotel room with my mother and she had the remote. The question and answer portion was as vapid as expected from all of them except Miss Arizona. Clearly, my Tumblr followers can answer these much better. So post in my ask and tell me how YOU would answer these questions if you were...
ENDORPHINS!
This post brought to you by the grungy track above the basketball courts at the Donelson-Hermitage YMCA.
garbels:
one of my facebook friends just made this her status
Eli watched her mouth, for Hannah was praying silently; though her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard. Eli, thinking her drunk, said to her, “How long will you make a drunken show of yourself? Sober up from your wine!” “It isn’t that, my lord,” Hannah answered. “I am an unhappy woman. I have had neither wine nor liquor;...
My dad just called and was asking me questions about my future career, and when I said that I definitely didn’t want to stay in Nashville, he asked, “So would you move to L.A. or New York or something? Or like…San Francisco?”
Is this his terrible attempt at subtly finding out if I like girls?? Just ask, Dad. Jesus.
I can't eat or sleep. Body is trying to kill me.
Diagnose me, Tumblr!! WebMD says I got bit by a snake.
Pre-IUD Text Talk.
Hannah: I started my period today, so I'll be with you in uterine spirit. Is S taking you?
Breanna: Yesss. Thanks, good uterine vibes. He is taking me...I have been reading all these insertion stories and these girls had people go with them and hold their hands. But I feel like that's asking a lot to have him come hold my handbag!
Breanna: *HAND!
Hannah: Lol, hold my handbag, S!
Hannah: Maybe you should bring something to squeeze. Omg, what if you brought a fake hand to hold?
Breanna: Like, stopped at party city and bought one of those that looked like they got cut off?
Hannah: Yes! The nurse would die!
Breanna: Maybe I should bring my wand.
Hannah: No, they might mistake it for a gyno tool!
Breanna: Oh gosh, they'd use THAT to dilate my cervix instead.
Hannah: Is there a spell for that?
Breanna: Unfortunately, I have never come across a spell for making IUD Insertion more pleasant. Witch burning, on the other hand...
Hannah: IUD-ess Insertus! Hermione would know.
Just used rubber cement for the first time.
Holy shit.
Barista: What’s your name?
Me: Hannah.
Barista: Is there an H on the end of that?
Me: Yes, there is.
Barista: Oh, no… I spelled it wrong.
Me: Oh. That’s okay.
Barista: I accidentally spelled it backwards.
Finally chose a Facebook 'cover photo'
Also, camp counselor tan lines.
Also, why don’t people take me seriously?
Birthday conversations with a person I met last...
Me: My birthday's in October, too.
Her: How old are you?
Me: 22.
Her: So you'll be 23 on your birthday?
Me: That's generally how birthdays work.
Her: Damn, I don't even know you!
Today someone wrong-number texted me.
Him: Is tomorrow inservice or do students come? Thanks. RYAN
Me: I'm not sure. I'm sorry. I've just been so preoccupied with the funeral plans.
Him: Oh...I didn't know there was a funeral. Whose funeral is it? RYAN
Me: Sarah's mother passed away.
Him: We'll make sure we pray for their family. Thanks for letting me know. See you later in the week. RYAN
I'm way too damn proud of how awesome that turned out.
December 2011
33 posts
Anonymous asked: I heard you found a keeper. Is this true?
GUYS, I AM SUCH A DOUCHEBAG.
But I can’t help it!! It’s just who I am! I feel like I’m supposed to say that I’m sorry…but I’m not.
1 tag
Okay, so will every girl who was raised...
Instead of studying for the history final I’m about to take, I stayed up late with Kathleen eating a plate of deviled eggs and poorly explaining ecofeminism. And cute girls.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-11) →
Florence + The Machine (17)
Bing Crosby (12)
Death Cab for Cutie (6)
Boris Karloff (6)
Clay Aiken (6)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Repressed Memory of the Day
I just remembered that when I was 15, I spent the holiday season working as an elf at the mall and told NO ONE.
;_;
